


Lost in the Echo

by Silver_Shortage_in_Markarth



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Canon, Am I one of those people who torments her favorite characters?, Hanging, I must be if I wrote this, It might be?, Just trying to cover all my bases here, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Possibly OOC because I've never been confident in characterization, Promises, Something I wrote on a whim, Suicide, Suicide by Hanging, death by hanging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-17 06:56:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14827541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silver_Shortage_in_Markarth/pseuds/Silver_Shortage_in_Markarth
Summary: As he nears the end of his days, Armin has Jean make a promise of utmost importance to him.Chances are, though, that it might not be one Jean will be able to keep.





	Lost in the Echo

**Author's Note:**

> Oh God this is trash why did I write this

Despite the night sky being clouded over, the moon shone through. It did the same years before, and it would continue to do so long after he'd left this world. 

To his resigned sadness, he didn't have long. Five years before, the Curse of Ymir had taken one of his best friends. Any day now, the same would happen to him. 

He only wished he knew when, exactly-

"Can't sleep?" 

Armin was startled by a voice behind him, snapping him out of his lunar-themed reverie. He looked over his shoulder to see his beloved Jean, who was dressed only in a pair of pajama pants. 

Jean himself looked a little irritated, and bleary-eyed. One hand was scratching the side of his head, the other scratching his crotch. Regardless, he was able to walk onto the porch to stand next to Armin. 

To answer his question, Armin shook his head. "Too much on my mind. I'm worried that if I do get to sleep, I might not wake up as...myself, and..." 

He was stopped when Jean quit scratching his head, and put it onto his shoulder. Jean then gently shook it, before wrapping his arms around him, and pulled him close. It were as if he'd known that line of thinking was coming.

"If you do, then you do. Nothing we can do about that."

Jean hesitated when he saw Armin's face scrunch up in an imminent bout of crying.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound like a dick." 

Armin's expression didn't change, and in fact got worse. In turn, Jean racked his brain for ideas as to how to comfort him. 

"It should've been Erwin that lived that day, not me!" Armin muttered before shoving his face into Jean's chest. "I'm not...I wasn't..."

"Shhhh..." Jean rested his chin onto Armin's head. "Quit talking like that."

He went on. "You think you're worthless, but trust me, Armin; you're not. So a bunch of assholes said you should've died instead, that it'd have been better for the world." Armin nodded in agreement. But Jean wasn't done yet. 

"But if you did, then well...I would've lost my whole world." He leaned down to look Armin in the eyes. "To hell with them, okay? _I'm_ glad you're still here."

Armin was starting to cry again. He wiped his tears away with the back of his hand. 

"Yeah, for now. But any day now, I'm going to be..." He tried to straighten himself up and look determined. "Can you promise me something, Jean?" He could now feel Jean's fingers running through his long blond hair. 

"I can try-"

Armin's frown became more defined. "No, you have to promise me."

"Alright, alright. What is it you want me to promise you?"

Armin took a deep breath. "Promise me that..." 

He hesitated, as if he weren't too sure of this himself. "Promise me that whatever happens, after I'm gone, that you won't do anything rash, or stupid. Can you do that for me?" 

No answer. 

"Jean?"

This time he got an answer. "Yeah, I promise." 

It was clear that he didn't want to talk about it, something Armin quickly picked up on. Quietly, he pulled Jean back into the house. As he did, he started up another conversation. 

"I still miss Eren," he said. "I know it's been five years, but it really hasn't gotten any easier. And Mikasa...Well, I don't suppose I need to elaborate on how badly she took it."

Jean nodded. "Yeah, and believe it or not, I kind of miss that suicidal bastard myself. Didn't think I would, but things have a way of surprising you, I guess." 

Before they got to their bedroom, he let go of Armin's hand, much to the latter's confusion. Before he could ask, though, Jean gave a reason. 

"I'll be with you in a few minutes. I should probably go to the bathroom. That's, uh, the reason I came out here in the first place." Armin didn't seem entirely convinced, going by the head tilt and raised eyebrow, but didn't pursue that. 

"Well, don't take too long, alright? I don't like it when the bed's cold." 

To this, Jean just smirked, and made a shooing motion to get Armin back into their bedroom. As soon as he was in and shut the door, however, that smirk faded almost instantly. Dropping his arm to his side, Jean turned and walked back outside, back to the porch. 

Amazingly, the clouds were beginning to disperse, displaying the moon as though it were a child peeking through some bushes. While Jean was staring up at it, he sat down at the edge of the porch, letting his legs dangle over it. He then slumped over onto himself, sighing as he did. 

Even though he wasn't the one afflicted with a titan's curse, it still pained him to know that one day, Armin wasn't going to be around anymore. The very thought alone was enough to send him into a sudden burst of grief-fueled anger. 

Jean grit his teeth, and grabbed two handfuls of his short hair, yanking at it while growling and crying in frustration. No matter which way he looked at it, twenty-eight was no proper age to die; many of their fellow soldiers had died at far younger, but none of them were Armin. 

He didn't _want_ Armin to die. He didn't _want_ to live life without him. He didn't _want_ to bear witness to the Curse taking away the love of his life. He didn't _want_ to have to make a promise that he couldn't be guaranteed to keep. 

Once Jean had managed to simmer down, and think a little more rationally, he looked back to the inside of the house; no doubt Armin was waiting for him to come back from his supposed bathroom break. Or perhaps he'd already fallen asleep, unable to wait for his return. 

Jean hoped it was the latter. 

Getting back to his feet, he kept his eyes where they were. He knew that within the year, if that, it would be Armin's spot in their bed that was empty. In perhaps just a few months, or even weeks, Jean would have to adjust to life without him. 

However, maybe, just maybe, he didn't actually have to do that. 

...

It was early the next morning when Armin woke up. Through a slightly opened window in their room, he could smell the morning dew, and hear the birds chirping. It felt great no longer having to worry about the threat of war or Titans anymore. 

Despite not really wanting to, Armin pulled himself up to a kneeling position, and patted the other side of the bed to try and wake Jean up. To his surprise, it was empty. There had been times where Jean had woken up before Armin, though, so he wasn't too incredibly worried. 

"Jean?" Now Armin got to his feet, shivering as they touched the cold floor, and out of bed. It was possible that he was in the bathroom- 

He was not. 

After the bathroom, Armin checked the kitchen; Perhaps Jean was getting things ready for breakfast, or even making breakfast in bed for Armin-

Not there, either. 

"Come on, Jean. This isn't funny!" Armin called out. He didn't receive an answer. His search in the house turning up nothing, he went outside. He shivered again, harder this time, as he now stepped barefoot on the cold dew-covered grass. Again, he called out for Jean, his voice cutting into the din of the morning surrounding him. 

Where was he?

Armin shuffled nervously through the grass, looking back and forth quickly, seeking any sign of Jean, or where he could've gotten off to. His search eventually brought him to the other side of the house, where he encountered a most unexpected (and horrendous) sight. 

Behind their house, a large tree loomed over a good portion of the yard underneath it. Tied to one of its sturdier branches was a rope that dangled down some ways. Beneath _that_ was one of their living room chairs, tipped onto its back. 

Right above that chair, at the very end of the rope, Jean was hanging lifelessly. His unblinking eyes stared down at nothing, his face stained with dried tears. Given how he looked overall, it was likely he'd been there for quite some time. 

"Jean...?" Armin tried pinching himself, but he didn't wake up. Instead, he walked closer, the horror evident on his face. 

In some unexplainable manner, Jean had one of his hands curled into a fist. Clutched between his fingers was a folded scrap of paper.

Once he saw mentioned paper, Armin approached, even though he didn't really want to. It were as though he was no longer in control of his own body. With trembling fingers, he pulled it out of Jean's hand, and read it. 

 _Armin_ : 

_I'd rather do this than see you die, and live the rest of my life without you._

_Am I being selfish? Yeah, I am._

_Do I regret doing this? Of course._

_But at least this way you don't have to worry about me breaking my promise to you._

_Maybe when your time comes, I'll see you on the other side, or in another life. Who knows?_

_If there is a life after this one, maybe I won't be such an asshole. And maybe I'll get to see all our dead friends._

_(I'm not really looking forward to seeing Jaeger again though)_

_Just remember that I'll always love you, regardless of what comes after death._

_And Armin? Promise me that you won't blame yourself for this. _

_Forever yours,_

_Jean_

Armin let go of the note, letting it flutter to the ground. He looked back up at Jean, then fell to his knees, his ability to remain standing now having failed him. 

"Jean...No...!" Now Armin's body began shaking in its entirety. His big blue eyes widened, hot tears spilling from them as he then grabbed his own face.

It seemed like foreverbefore Armin could make any kind of sound.

That sound was him letting out a pained, anguished shriek, one that cut through the stillness of the morning like a sharpened blade. 


End file.
